A breakdown of my awesome Talos Attack Battlecruiser PvP fit will have to wait, then...
So... why write? I get asked this question surprisingly often. I mention something offhandedly to a friend about writing and how I enjoy it, and their eyes get huge, sweat begins to pour from their brow, and the panicked "fight or flight" glint appears in their eyes. "What? WRITING?" They exclaim. "I hate writing! Why would you do that to yourself?"
In a way, they do have a point. I hate to write just as much as the next guy. Essays, research papers, reflections, "creative" writing... I loathe it all. I absolutely hate to write. This loathing disappears, however, when I start writing my books. Words arrange themselves and spill messily onto the paper, plots rise and fall in my mind, characters spring from the creative ether and walk around in my head, demanding they get equal page time. I would almost say it comes naturally if it weren't for the amount of work I have to pour to get my words to flow right.
Why is this? Why put up with writing if the actual act of writing is so difficult for me?
When people ask me this, I always respond with the same answer: "I write so I can get the people and stories out of my head." This usually makes my friends look at me strangely, and in some cases back up slowly with a fake grin slapped on their face, so I have to explain it further.
In some ways, my writing is an expression of me. I like to think that, buried somewhere deep inside, there is a little bit of myself in each of my characters: Ser the Wizard embodies some of my cynical humor, in Rachel I spy the tiniest bit of my mild "control-freak" personality, and in Ferus I see my temper (taken to extremes) bleed through. Even my baddies share something with me: Crealis shares my obsession with science and knowledge, and the villain of AI - Burn will probably end up being an actual representation (an evil version, of course) of myself and a friend. By developing these characters, it's almost like exploring myself—what would it be like to be a completely cynical jerk (Ser)? How would I feel if I had lost everything (Ferus)? What if I took my interest in science to an unholy level (Crealis)?
On the other hand, these characters are undoubtably more than just parts of me. There is no possible way that Jennifer Kree, the mysterious lab partner from my Shadow Walkers book, shares more than a sliver of her personality with me. She is definitely her own separate person; she still surprises me quite often. The same goes for every single one of my characters: they take on a life of their own, completely separate from me, and do their own thing. When I write right, the books almost literally write themselves, all I have to do is listen to my characters, and try to keep up with my typing. So, while writing is an exploration of myself, it simultaneously isn't. It's an exploration of something that's beyond just me. Yes, I created it, but it's somehow become something more than the world I thought up. Terragonna is so much more than some made-up world I escape into when I should be studying for an exam or working. It has landmarks, history, famous people and events, a culture, a language, it's own dangers, problems, solutions, quirks... and the only way I can go there is if I write.
To sum it up, writing isn't just writing. It isn't the act of thinking up words to fill a paper, like essay writing or research. It is very much the act of exploring something else which is both apart of me, and at the same time very much separate.
I know that's confusing, but it's the best I've got.
So what about you? Do you write? If so, why?
That is all.
Watzzit Tooyah
My-Current-Emotional-State-Ometer
Burned Out
